 |
THE MARRIAGE OF FIGEROA
Preston Winslow Howsley
|
January 1, 2005
|
The WeddingNewz Report is made possible by you and corporate sponsors
like the R.G. Mangleprick Foundation who believe that all people should eat food.
You're listening to this Report on Radio Free Europe and NPR,
National Public Radio who feel that commercial free radio is the technology of the future!
The small troll asked if he needed an engagement ring to be accepted by the other trolls.
Nobody answered. This scenario is repeated hundreds of times per day in countries around the globe.
What are we, as human beings, prepared to do to correct this issue? The only answer I can come up with is, nothing.
It is exactly this type of unadulterated skepticism that leads to the sort of non caring, pessimistic nature of humanity
that so plagues the Planet Earth today.
In this article I will attempt to prescribe ways to better attend to the needs of your fellow human, your neighbor and,
yes, even yourself.
Take for example if you were to have a wedding ceremony on the fourth of July. You would not send out
casual wedding invitations would you? Of course not. Then what type of wedding invites would you send out? I'll tell you what type of
wedding invites you should send out. You should send out the following types of wedding invites. The following is a list
of the types of wedding invites you should send out if, in fact, your wedding falls on a National holiday:
1. National Holiday Engraved Invitations.
That is the list in it's entirety. What, do you need an engraved invitation to understand this? Look, Trolls usually
don't get married. But, in 1874 there was the case of Letreeshia Troll who had an unusual upbringing in Salem, Mass.
It was a cold, blistery night one day in the summer of the aforementioned year. The wind chill was 98 degrees and the
trees were dropping their leaves like Elizabeth Taylor does husbands. April in the Northeast has a climate much like
Brazil in the winter. There was three or four feet of snow on the ground for the wedding and as Letreeshia watched The
Weather Channel she noticed that a front was moving in from the Northwest. She noticed a barrage of blue cloud
stickers and decals all over the weather map. There was patchy fog and, for midnight, it was inordinately bright. Unseen clouds covered the
stratosphere and rain was in the offing. It was raining harder than a trigonometry question from the HARD book. There were
so many wounded and dead dogs and cats on the ground that the S.P.C.A. went out of business. To this Letreeshia exclaimed,
"How will I ever send out my Wedding Invitations?"
See friends, it's not the quantity of wedding invitations that matters but the quality. A cheap golf ball is like a cheap
bottle of whiskey. The harder you hit it the less distance you travel. So it is with wedding invitations. Notice some of
the Wedding Companies that you can link to from this very page. They are a reliable source for quality products from the
Guest Album to the Birth Announcement. Rule of thumb: Don't send out the birth announcements
before you send out the wedding invitation. This actually happened in Sheboygan in 1958. It seems that a Mrs. Lucious Pervino was eight months
pregnant just days before her wedding to Lucious. Being on a high dosage of Quaalude she mailed out 600 engraved yard sale
announcements. Three weeks later on Saturday, June 12, 1958 at 3pm. Mrs. Pervino gave birth to a seven pound three ounce baby
girl right in the middle of the front lawn of her neighbor's home. The yard was full of junk to be sold.
Six hundred people were huddled around her as the Rabbi joined her and Lucious in Holy Matrimony. Lucious put both the
engagement ring and the wedding ring on her finger at the same time while the band played Hail To The Chief. The Rabbi
was also a pediatrician and cut the umbilical cord as he pronounced them man and wife.
Don't let this happen to you. Be prepared! Married couples should have the bride groom marriage announcements sent out
at least a year in advance of the occasion. Some smart folks actually send out the Thank You Notes prior to the marriage.
Register at expensive stores six years before your wedding. Then, in the Thank You Notes you can include the registry information.
It is scientifically proved that if an average individual receives a Thank You Note five or six years before the wedding ceremony
he or she will, indeed, purchase a very expensive gift from one of the many fine retail outlets that you have listed on the note.
Use your head! Be ready! Don't be a statistic!
Until next time I'm
Preston Winslow Howsley
|
THE INAUGURATION OF MARRIAGE
FANTASY: IS IT FACT OR FICTION?
BIG BMW GIVEAWAY
THE MARRIAGE OF FIGEROA
MARRIED COUPLES ENJOY BADMIDDON
THE INVENTION OF THE WEDDING INVITATION
WEDDINGCHANNEL.COM RATED HIGH ON THE CHARTS
A CELEBRATION OF LIFE
PREVENTIVE MEASURES YOU CAN TAKE WHEN BUYING A RING
COMING SOON
|
