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BIG BMW GIVEAWAY
Preston Winslow Howsley
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February 10, 2005
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Our sister station StickerNewz and
we are proudly announcing the engagement of staff member Amy
Hecklearning to one of our friends Shemp Diesel. The two of
them met at IGA in Boise. It seems that Amy, on her way to a
well deserved vacation in Las Vegas, stopped to do a bit of
grocery shopping. Finishing up with his smoke break, Shemp
started to bag her groceries. Their eyes met and it was love
at first sight. They dated for one day and Shemp popped the
question, "Hey Ms. Hecklearning, want to go bowling?" She
accepted and he bowled a 300 game just to impress her. Oh,
by the way, two weeks later she asked him to marry her. He
accepted and bowled another 300 game just to impress her.
But here comes the real big news! As a gift, Stickers and
Wedding Newz are presenting the happy couple with a brand
new 2006 BMW Z-4 Roadster with plenty of decals (cf. picture above. Max is on
vacation so the $42,000.00 for the car is coming out of his
private embezzlement fund. Price subject to refinance charge
of 21.5% APR and offer limited in Maryland, Portugal and
Sheboygan).
We here at the WeddingNewz Report wish to congratulate the
soon-to-be newlyweds by giving them a lifetime supply of
Wedding Invitations. The first Wedding Invitations will be
made of pure bronze and will read as follows:
Mr. and Mrs. Cletus Hecklearnian
invite you and all of your loved ones
to the union of their beloved daughter Amy
to the handsome and debonair Mr. Shemp Diesel of Oregon.
These two wonderful people will join in Holy Wedlock
in the Church of St. Vincent de Cordivia
7245 St. Vincent de Cordivia Blvd., Salem
two pm. on Saturday, the first day of August, 2005.
I have Shemp on the phone right now.
"How's it goin good buddy"?... ...
"Not bad Preston, how bout you"?
"I'm ok. Shemp, how does it feel to be engaged to a celebrity like Amy Hecklearning"?
"Celebrity?...I thought she was a Catholic; that's why were gettin married in St. Vincent de Cordivia Chu..."
"No, no Shemp you don't seem to understand. Amy has been awarded numerous Broadcasting and Adhesive achievement certificates and trophies for her exemplary career. She reported the monumental Leonard Kasko fiasco in the Alps, she uncovered the great Wedding Seal scandal in 1996 and she covered the theft of the Edgarballs Dung Sticker just last year. Amy began usin"......
"WHAT?.......Did you say Edgarballs? Grover T. Edgarballs! Clive Edgarballs! Those no good for nothin son's a guns! WHAT??? Why I otta...I'm so gosh%$##*&@ bummed out...WHAT THE HECK?....No way! NO WAY!!! Those good for nothin
suckers! If that jerk had anything to do with the reporting and return of the Dung Sticker she can just forget gittin hitched or any kind of wedding rings. I don't like her anyways. She used paper when she knew doggoned well that plastic is easier to handle and better for the enviermint!".......(click)
What just happened there? Oh well, whatever. I'll see ya folks tomorrow on the new WeddingNewz Report. Till then, I'm
Preston
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